What is Life???? Really???? Life, life, life is Just Life.

Today is Sunday, October 23, 2011. It is always such an interesting feeling when I sit down to write a blog. The last blog I wrote was exactly 3 weeks ago, yet I feel like more time has passed. It’s really the craziest feeling. If I didn’t have a calendar, I would think a half of year has passed already. Yet, at the same time, we are still so new here.

            Anyways, a lot has happened over the past three weeks. We are starting to understand the ins and outs of the other jobs within the center in which we work which is cool. Soon, we will be extending into more work areas (outside of Fair Trade), which I am excited about. What else? I got sick for the first time early this month and had to see a doctor here and explain my symptoms in Spanish. Haha! The weather changes very rapidly here. It will be cool in the morning, than hit close to 100 the whole afternoon, then rain and be cool, and then get hot again in the middle of the night. So, needless to say, I got a sinus infection and was knocked on my butt for a good three or four days, which ironically, I am grateful about. Nothing like your body putting you in place to slow things down.

            Speaking of weather and such, Monetti and I pretty much consider us best friends with the video store lady and the ice-cream storm guy. We are by far their most frequent visitors, whether we are renting a movie (or window shopping for our next rental) or buying ice-cream (or window shopping for our next ice-cream visit). Both places have awesome fans so they are cool places in which we hang out. We sat in the ice-cream parlor for four hours one day and couldn’t be more content! We found our way to the local market where we buy garden-grown fruits and veggies. It’s about a 20-minute walk and we try to go once a week.

            Right now I am reading my journal so don’t mind the randomness of thought. I’m paging through and then just typing something I see that I want to share. Lets continue. Monetti and I are coming out of our shells more and more as time progresses. We decided to be spontaneous and check out some centers 2 weeks ago after Friday Spanish class. We found a Feminist Cultural Center online and went to check it out but it was closed. (Don’t worry, we emailed the place and now have more info and plan on trying again this upcoming Friday.) We also found a Drag Queen show/LGBTQ club in the middle of the city. However, that doesn’t open until 11pm so we were there way too early. So, we settled with a Karaoke Bar. The karaoke bar was playing Lady Gaga Born This Way when we walked in so we knew we were at the right place. It felt so good to get away from the little town we live in and to feel a bit of independence and sing a mix of Spanish, Portuguese, and English songs! On the way home, our bus broke down which was hysterically funny. Duh.

            What else? Oh! So there is one Sister here who works in an all women’s jail in the city. We got up at 5am to go to the jail with her. That was such a life-giving experience. The women there were very kind. We attended a mass with them, which was so fun. There were these random two local Paraguayan men that played the guitar, the recorder and sang. Monetti played the tambourine and I gently sang alongside the other men. We were the church band that was provided for the service. Literally. Ahahaha!

          What other random things are there to share? Monetti and I have a new routine we are investing in. Every night, we each have to say one thing we are grateful for about Paraguay, one reason why she rocks, and one reason why I rock. Every morning one of chooses a song (we alter every other day) to listen to start off the day. We wake up early and are usually tired so we are testing out this song thing to see if it is helpful. So, ya, a song is chosen and we listen to it than we do (independently) whatever we want with it. So, maybe there is a song lyric that I want to refer to throughout the day to keep myself grounded. Perhaps there’s a beat I want to remember to play on the desk at work to keep myself entertained. Perhaps it’s just a crazy dance song that reminds me of a friend or specific time or something. Or maybe it is just the simple idea of enjoying the song, period. So, that’s that.

          Work has been busy, very busy. We shipped some more orders out but are still over our heads with work. The artisans continue to impress the hell out of me. One of our artisans named Rita is super cool. She’s 27 years old and she is so talented. She came up with an awesome-looking design for a Nanduti butterfly and we came up with the color combinations for it. She brought it in completed and it is one of our most beautiful pieces. We met Don Bernadino who is our “leather man.” Don Bernadino is one of the coolest guys ever! Melissa, Monetti, and I took a bus to his house in Caacupe where he sat on his front porch with his Santa belly out drinking cold terere with his wife watching the kids play soccer outside. (One of the things I am obsessed with here is the lack of “business clothes.”) Without going into too much detail, Don Bern backs the back of our artisan’s products with leather, whether that be making a bracelet, a wristlet, or journal. He is all about fair trade and works with the women combining their work to sell it for a just price. Everything he makes is by hand, just like the artisans and he recycles all his leather.  He is so passionate with his work; he lights up talking about it in his loud raspy voice.  He said he’s going to take Mo and I to visit a big mountain here called the Cerro. It is so cool to work with all these people and be involved on a grassroots level.  It’s different than anything else. One thing here in Paraguay that is different than I am used to is that there are no boundaries here when it comes to spending time with people. To be clearer, back in the US, there is some sense of boundaries with the people you work with, your friends, your family/ how and who you spend your time with. Here, the people you work with are your friends and your family. Everyone we work with, we eat with, we hang with, and we do everything with. There is no separation- one community- living. I’ll be picking out color combinations with an artisan one day, than eating lunch with her and grandma the next, and uprooting madioca (yucca) trees with another artisan to cook/share lunch, and then get invited to the Cerro with the leather man, Don Bernadino. Everything blends in a different way here than it does at home in the US. Everyone-at all times- is flowing and functioning together. Breakfast-lunch-dinner-business/work-recreational time-its all one movement with the same people.

           Today, we had a US college group visit us. I opened the presentation with a game that goes as follows. I chose two students and sat them across from each other, each holding their own 3-foot spoon (connected a spoon to the end of a long stick). Rule: There could not be two spoons touching the same grains of rice at one time. The task was to eat the rice in front of them using the long spoon. With the spoon being so long, it is physically impossible to feed yourself.  (refer to picture) Therefore, the message being that if they wanted to eat, they would have to feed each other. It was really silly and we all had a good laugh from the activity. This was to open them with the reality that the artisans (and all the other people involved) have to help each other in order to bring in an income to feed their families. All the artisans must pull their weight in order to get orders complete. Outside the artisans are all the other people helping them improve their work, controlling quality, backing their products with leather, visiting their houses, etc., etc. To be basic, Fair Trade could not exist without the many hands feeding each other. The students appreciated the game and from there we put on a presentation about Fair Trade/Tekojoja and all the other outreach programs here and so on. I felt so cool in the midst of talking about it (in Spanish) because I get to be a part of all of it, a part of the team.

         What else? Oh jeeze, how can I forget Vivi! We currently have a new Spanish teacher named Vivian. Her first day she goes (in Spanish) “My name is Vivian but you can call me Vivi. At the break, I’m going to need to take a cigarette break.” It wasn’t what she said, it was the way she said it. Monetti and I call her our Jersey motha because she is kind of sassy like that which cracks us up because no one else we have met so far is like her. Speaking of Spanish, our language is improving day by day. Some days we feel real confident and proud and others we feel mute. It’s strange but that is just how the process has been. We watched a movie the other day that was completely in Spanish and I understood and followed the whole thing. That’s the first time I’ve done that so I’m excited about that. I’m also starting to dream in Spanish, which is the coolest thing ever! It doesn’t happen every night but it’s happened about five times in the past two and half weeks.

        Along with the idea of processing, we had two scorpions in our house but have yet to see any more! We are still housing our gecko friend. Nala (dog) continues to be a companion. Rafiki is our new adopted dog that walks us to work EVERY morning (no joke) then lies outside our office while we work. Speaking of companions, we have been spending time with these two little girls- Lujan, who is four years old, and Valentina, who is three years old. They are beyond cute. Nothing like kids to bring you back to Earth. If they are not telling me the names of each star in the sky, they are pointing at every single tree we pass saying how green and big and beautiful it is. When kids are so young, everything at every moment is so cool and so beautiful. Imagine if we all perceived the world through the eyes of a young child where judgment doesn’t exist and everything and everyone is interesting and exciting? Hmmm, how the world would be so different!

        Random, but I think I have found a deeper appreciation for cleaning since I’ve been here. I really enjoy sweeping (not being sarcastic) because when I sweep, it just feels simple and I like that.

        Oh something else! I am part of the planning committee team for a Caminata contra No Violencia de Las Mujeres. We are planning a walk for the end of November to bring awareness and educate the community. Just this past week a 16 year old boyfriend strangled his 17-year-old girlfriend to death. There are a lot of little things we have to do get ready for the event but I seem to have endless energy when organizing an event around such an important issue around the world, especially here in Paraguay.

       Due to some minor house malfunctionings that are in the midst of being repaired, Monetti and I have been living in the retired Sisters house. Clearly, I cannot get enough of it! I am sure I have mentioned before how obsessed I am with the retired sisters! They are so freaking cute. They are like these radical, kind, generous women 65 years old and older still taking on the world. I am in love with Hermana Modesta (she is in a photo with me I posted on my last blog), Hermana Catalina, Hermana Elisa, and Hermana Eufrasia. Hermana Modesta is 93 years old and beyond precious. She speaks in a high-pitched raspy voice, crochets a lot, and falls asleep at random times. She is always telling me how important it is to sleep and always rubbing my back saying I am so great with her cute little smile. She is always so happy and is one of those people that all you have to do is look at them and you feel so happy. Hermana Catalina plays the wise grandma role for me. She is her 60s and is the head of the house making sure all runs smoothly. She is always making sure we eat (always wants us to drink milk and eat bread) and do the everyday things to stay healthy while being gentle and encouraging like a grandma. Monetti had a toe problem and she called a lady to come here at 10pm just to look at Mo’s toe. She also bought me these homeopathic pills that help me poop (never have I ate so much rice in my life). Hermana Elisa is in her 60s too and she plays the cool aunt. She is constantly looking to make jokes, which I obviously appreciate to no end. She is the one that works in the jail. She pinches the tips of our fingers when she thinks we are too stressed. Then there is Hermana Eufrasia whom I’m in love with on a whole other level. She just turned 82 this month. Hermana Eufrasia-refer to picture with Nala, our dog- has the cutest voice and gets so excited every time she talks. She is one of those people who express everything they feel with their face in such detail. Her face is a theatre and I am one of her biggest fans. She always wears colorful button down shirts and sits in random places. The other sisters are pretty sweet for the most part. One or two still scare me a bit, but they all play their roles here. But, as each day goes by, I find myself finding deeper and deeper appreciation for these women, especially the above ones just mentioned. To paint a more completed piece, let me give you a scene for an example.

          I’m in the shower. Monetti knocks on my door. “Uh. Jess, I think Hermana Catalina just called a local lady to come do surgery on my toe.” Me “What! What do you mean? Are you sure you interpreted right?” Mo “Ya I think so.” 15 minutes later, Monetti’s squirming in her seat in pain while this lady is doing something to her toe while Hermana Elisa and I are messing with Monetti/video taping the whole thing, while Hermana Catalina is breathing like she’s in a lamas (spelling?) class to try to show Krystina how to breathe/patting her back, while Hermana Eufrasia is creepily sitting outside the door in silence petting a stray dog and licking a lollipop while Hermana Modesta is 15 feet away through an open window not having any clue that any of this is even going on. Too funny. All in all, we are starting to make this place our home in our functioning little family of retired nuns, a gardener, and a few cooks.

          To close up, this adventure continues to be a rollercoaster. However, the themes of the ride continue to loop us for a surprise. In August, when I was attending International Orientation they spoke to us about transitioning and changing being two different venues occurring at one time simultaneously and not simultaneously. They talked about how transition is inevitable. I am here, physically in Paraguay. The food I eat, where I sleep, where I work, the language, etc. etc.- All these things are new and I’m physically transitioning to them. But within this external transition, there is so much change occurring both externally and internally. Sometimes the change occurring within is hand in hand walking the same pace as the things around me. Sometimes the change within me is lagging behind. I didn’t really understand it fully until about a few days ago.

          I’ve been here a week short of two months. Three days ago, I felt a shift within myself. I think for the first time I felt-within my core of myself-that I am here. It’s really hard to explain but I really feel like the experience is just about to begin. I think the first month and half/little more, I have been physically and mentally adjusting to a new country, a new language, new people, a new culture, a different world. I’ve been adjusting on a surface level doing my best to get by each day. However, as the days progress, I am starting to feel like I’m sinking into my own skin again. At orientation, they told us “At some point, you will ‘feel you spirit catch up to you.’ It happens for some a few months in, some in the middle of their experience, some years after their experience.” I think for the first time since I have been here, I am starting to understand what that means and how that feels. It’s hard to explain but it is pretty surreal.

         Anyways, it is bedtime now! Before closing, I want to give a colorful hug to all my LGBTQ/ Equality friends in celebration for Coming Out Day this month! Ride the rainbow! I also want to give a shout out to STJ Women’s Soccer! Big Win this past Friday against Syracuse! Although, I’m sad I am missing these precious moments, I enjoy hearing about them because every time that happens, the person gets to relive the moment in story telling, bringing me right there with them! I am so grateful to be part of the STJ family-past and current. The fact that I can be a continent away and still feel connected just demonstrates how special it really is. Well in Storm! Brilliant! J

         As I go, there are a few quotes I’d like to share with you from books I have been reading (mainly J. Chittister- Uncommon Gratitude, Paulo Coelho- The Pilgrimage) that have really been resonating with me as themes of my journey thus far.

“When you travel, you experience in a very practical way, the act of rebirth. You confront completely new situations, the day passes more slowly, and on most journeys you don’t even understand the language the people speak. You are like a child of the womb…”

“Time isn’t something that always proceeds at the same pace. It is we who determine how quickly time passes. It is we who determines the pace of time.”

“Try to find pleasure in a speed that you’re not used to. Changing the way you do routine things allows a new person to grow inside you. But when all is said and done, you’re the one who must decide how you handle it.”

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”

          As the challenges continue here, the decisions I make and how I come to them are becoming more and more valuable. The questions I am being asked have more weight and my responses internally and externally carry heavier weight/consequences. I think I am in the midst of accepting life-and all of which that is-in a whole different way. Life is so “beautiful,” but can be so “ugly” too sometimes. For so long, I’ve intentionally viewed/ pushed my mind to a place where life, most of the time, is “beautiful” because accepting the “ugly” parts is scary. But, I think I am starting to learn that accepting the “ugly” parts is just as important. It is embracing life. Life is “beautiful” and “ugly” at different times and in some cases, at the same time in the same moment. Life Just Is. I think I am starting to understand this on more than an intellectual level and it one of the more freeing feelings I have ever felt.

It’s all so weird just like life. So in craziness,

Jess

PS- Because we have the same friends and different, are experiencing the same things and different, have the same pics and different, etc., check out Monetti’s blog if you’re looking for a good laugh. www.sendmeonmoway.blogspot.com. As I get a grade of a C or D in the Facebook section, feel free to check out her facebook page as well if you want to see more pictures.